


socially awkward

by iwrotestuff



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkward Friendship, Conversations, Friendship, M/M, Relationship Problems, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Social Anxiety, Socially awkward
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-12 19:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2121915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwrotestuff/pseuds/iwrotestuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aoba starts setting up double date hang outs at his place, but they really just end up being Koujaku and Aoba bonding time, while Ren and Noiz are left to awkwardly stare at each other. </p><p>Eventually, they start talking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ren

**Author's Note:**

> How the hell do people write conversations without it being just back and forth??

“We're like a third wheel.”

Ren blinks for a moment, letting the words to soak up and make sense. They don't.

“What?”

Noiz leans back on Aoba's bed resting back on his elbows, his gaze turns towards Aoba and Koujaku who are both way immersed in their conversation to notice Noiz and Ren staring at them. It had been like this for the past few times that Aoba had set up these double date hang outs, the childhood friends at the end of the night would retrieve to the balcony and talk, while Ren and Noiz where left to awkwardly stare at each other. To be honest though Ren was unbothered by it. He had no problem finding a magazine and read or mess around with his newly acquired coil, and Noiz didn't seem to have a problem with it either, so there never was a need to force themselves to talk. One of them trying to make conversation was strange, especially coming from Noiz.

“You and me.” Noiz continues, staring at Koujaku laugh at something Aoba said. “We're like a third wheel. You know what that means?”

“Yes I do, I just don't understand why you think that.”

“Well,” Noiz sits up again. This is something Ren has learned about Noiz. He won't sit still. “It's been like an hour since they last acknowledged either of us.”

“I can't contribute to the topic they were discussing, so I have nothing to say. I don't mind waiting for them to be done.”

“Isn’t it polite to include everyone?”

“I... suppose.” Ren frowns a little, realizing too late that he fell for whatever Noiz was trying to bait him with. He liked to do that sort of thing a lot but this was the first time Ren has ever fallen for it, mostly due to the fact that they had never been force into a conversation. Plus, Noiz seemed to get a kick out of doing this to Koujaku most of the time. It was rare that he tried to lure someone else.

“Then explain this situation.”

When Ren doesn't say anything back, Noiz grins and flops back on Aoba's bed. For some reason Ren didn't like it, Noiz making himself comfortable on the bed where Ren and Aoba share. “See? Third wheel.”

There's a moment of pause, and Noiz seems to think he lost Ren in his game and really, he should let him think that and move on from this weirdness, but Noiz's statement is just ridiculous. Ren can't help himself. “That makes no sense. There can only be one third wheel, one of us would have to be the fourth.”

“A third wheel made up of two people.”

A slight pang of frustration started to push at him. He was starting to see why Koujaku's response to Noiz is always explosive anger. “That makes no sense.”

“It does.” Noiz pauses as he sits up yet again, stretching out and making direct eye contact with Ren for the first time since this ridiculous conversation started. “I'm almost like half a person, and you're learning to be a person so together we make a whole person.”

Ren blinks at him.

“This... third wheel.”

“Now you're getting it.”

“Noiz,” He starts but falters. He knows he should just stop talking because Noiz is obviously trying to rile him up and he was succeeding, but he can't stop himself from playing along, it's like when he can't help himself around Aoba - he still doesn't have a lot of self-control. “How are you half a person?”

Noiz shrugs. “It sounds right. Not being able to feel makes me think I wasn't finished being made all the way. Half a person.”

There's a beat of silence and Ren isn't annoyed anymore. The tone of voice had been light, like stating some random fact but if there was something Ren had learned from being human is that there was always some sort of hidden message laced around people's words. Be it on purpose or subconsciously. Noiz's words felt like a booby-trap of hidden words.

“Noiz, you are at a disadvantage and it's unfortunate,” he pauses to make eye contact. “But you are still a person, regardless of how 'broken' you are.”

A heavy blanket of tension suddenly engulfs the room, and Ren wonders if he overstepped too far. Noiz was difficult to deal with already, and Ren felt like he lacked the social conduct to deal with such a person, someone who also seemed to lack social skills like himself. In a way, Ren thinks that it should make it easier to speak but it only makes it harder. Both of them have no tact and can't see boundaries that others seem to avoid. He is surprised when he hears Noiz chuckle.

“Gee, thanks.”

Ren nods once, exhaling slowly as Noiz turns his head towards the balcony, his head tilts to the side as if he's acknowledging someone.  Ren turns to see Aoba smiling at him and he smiles back as Aoba turns to Koujaku once more, probably closing their conversation in favor of ending Ren and Noiz's awkwardness. Before they come in, Ren glances at Noiz. “You're welcome.”

Noiz bursts out laughing.

 

-

 

“The way he looks at you makes me sick." The comment is low and almost a whisper. “Actually just the way you look at each other but at least you're more filtered.”

Ren looks at Noiz puzzled. “What?”

“Aoba and you. He looks at you like...” he pauses for a while, like he can't find the words he needs. There's disgust on his face, his lips curl and twist and his eyebrows push down. But his eyes say something else that Ren can't pick out, and whatever it was, it's gone by the time Noiz speaks. “He looks at you like you're the most amazing thing in the world. I guess in a way, you kinda are I mean, it's a 'miracle' that you're here, right? Miracle of science or something like that, who gives a shit.”

“Noiz.” He can't help but be annoyed and it makes the other laugh.

“Yeah yeah, point is, he's so in love with you it makes me wanna puke.”

“Why?”

“It's too much fuzzies and bunnies-”

“Don't you like rabbits?”

“-I guess puppies in your case, and yeah I do like them, so scratch those out of the equation.” This boy was infuriating, and it seemed like Noiz thought the same thing of him because he looked just as annoyed. “What?”

Both were starting to piss each other off, for different reasons all together but pissed off all the same. Almost at the same time, both of them glanced at Aoba and Koujaku out on the balcony. It was always at the end of the night that the two friends walked outside to talk, which left the other two alone for a while. Ren growls a little, thinking about telling Aoba that it made him uncomfortable to be alone with Noiz, because really, he did not want to be alone with this boy anymore. He feels a little bad knowing that if he did say something, Aoba would do it. It wasn't fair to Aoba, to take away some of his alone time with one of his oldest friends, and it was selfish. Ren could never do anything to hurt Aoba, he would just stomach it because there was nothing else more important to Ren, than Aoba's happiness. It was just something he could put up with, he could sit here and wait for whatever time it took Aoba to come back inside, but Noiz wasn't finished - he wasn't someone who liked to be ignored.

“Well, what? Please don't leave me hanging. How will I ever live without knowing what deep and profound thing you have to say?” the sneer that followed was mocking. Ren wanted to punch him. From past examples, he vaguely knew Noiz was trying to start a fight. He wanted, perhaps even needed, that explosive outcome that Koujaku always gave - why he wanted it from Ren wasn't important. The best option was to opt out and either wait for Aoba or leave the room, but Ren wasn't good at keeping instincts and urges in check still, and this impulse to fight and hurt was strong. He wants to pick a fight with Noiz. He wants to hit him and hurt him with words because he can't do it with fists. “You're upset that Aoba and I are happy together.”

“I didn't say that.”

“It makes you sick.”

“Oh yeah, it's fucking gross. And it has nothing to do with you being what you are.”

Ren wasn't violent. Oh but he wanted to hurt Noiz right now. Picking words is difficult, finding the right ones to heal are easy, in Ren's opinion. Ones that hurt are tricky for him, he doesn't like hurting others. It's difficult for him, but Ren is anything, he is patient and observing and he has already seen what his ammunition is. In his mind, he pictures a gun pointed at Noiz and he pulls the trigger. His words are cool and lethal.

“Are you jealous, Noiz?”

The reaction is immediate and short. For a split second, Noiz's eyes look devastated and broken, like he believes himself to be. Ren's words are more like water than a bullet- they cascade down over Noiz and spread all over, leaving a faint trail of it's aftermath. He should feel victorious, but all he feels is regret and he's so lost in his own thoughts, that he doesn't notice Noiz walking out of the room. Ren's instincts tell him to get up and chase after him, but he manages to talk himself out of it.  It seems like he does have enough control to hold down his instincts after all.

 

-

 

The rest of the evening is uneventful, minus Koujaku's reaction at Noiz leaving without a word - Ren just hoped nothing showed on his face when he had been asked if he knew where the younger male went.

“He could at least let me know.”

“Well, that's Noiz.” Aoba chuckles at Koujaku, who in turn just sighs. “If you leave now maybe you'll catch up?”

“Tch. Not worth it.”

They are both outside the house while Ren stays under the door frame. He hopes the distance is natural and not strange, that nothing shows on his face, but he can't but help fidget and look away. The guilt eats at him as well as the confusion over his reaction as well as Noiz's.

“You should call him later at least, you know? Make sure he's okay.”

Koujaku snorts. “He's probably looking for a Rhyme match or just picking a fight. Stupid brat.”

“ _Your_ stupid brat.” Aoba's words leak suggestion, his eyebrows waggle and his lips form a smirk. It's teasing and it's not the first time Aoba has teased Koujaku (or Noiz for that matter) about their relationship. Ren has never payed much attention to it, but now... after all this- now he is. Koujaku hesitates but grins back at Aoba. He says nothing back.

That hesitation speaks volumes to Ren.

“ _Are you jealous, Noiz?”_

“ _Not worth it.”_

 

-

 

“So... nice day, huh?”

There's a beat of silence before Ren notices that Noiz is in fact speaking to him. It had been a week since they last saw each other, a week after they dispute, and now here he was trying to act like nothing had happened? He opens and closes his mouth a couple of times before he makes himself say something.

“What?”

Noiz sighs and slips down to the floor, sitting cross legged. “I'm trying to be 'sociable',” the way he says that is like he is quoting someone. “You know, while your boyfriend and... the old man talk.”

Ren did not miss that faltering tone. “Why don't you refer Koujaku as your boyfriend?”

“He isn't my boyfriend.” Noiz's tone is angry. “That's what you and Aoba are, okay? We... he's the guy who fucks me when I ask and parades me around for some reason. We're not like you, alright? That shit isn't for us.”

Noiz tries to look indifferent, and it's good and convincing but now Ren is looking for the cracks. Noiz is not as good at hiding as he makes the world think. 

“There's more to it than that-”

“No, there isn't.”

“He wouldn't be putting this much effort if that was his only reason.”

“You know what?” Noiz suddenly snaps, loosing his cool. Part of Ren thinks he should feel proud of himself here, actually managing to make Noiz stammer around with his words, snapping and running away, but mostly he's just... worried? “Just shut up, forget I said anything.” With that, he turns around with his back towards Ren, and messes around with his coil. There's just silence until Aoba and Koujaku walk back inside, and by then Ren has left the room, and later he doesn't even bother trying to hide the fact that he's annoyed.

 

-

 

“Noiz.”

“Ren.”

“About last time-”

“Don't wanna talk about it.”

 

-

 

“Noiz.”

“No.”

 

-

 

“You're just not going to talk to me anymore?”

“Yep.”

“... you just did though.”

"Well now I won't."

"But.. you just did."

"Fucking hell."

 

-

 

“We can talk about something besides Kou- um... you know, something else? We can talk about Rhyme.”

That gets Noiz's attention for the first time in two weeks while in Ren's presence. “...I guess that would be alright.”

It's difficult to not want to smile and laugh, Noiz is still a child and most of them forget that. It's refreshing to see him act like one. Ren wants to get up and cheer like he's seen Aoba do sometimes, he feels like he has accomplished something impossible, but surely Noiz would not appreciate that. This was an opportunity that he would not miss out on.

“Do you even know anything about Rhyme?”

“I do. I used to be an all-mate, if you remember and Aoba used to play so...”

“I guess that's true.” Noiz gets off the bed and sits a fair distance away from Ren on the floor. There's a moment of hesitation from his part, Ren understands that he needs to give him a cue that he wouldn't push. But Ren wasn't good at that. And Noiz was just as bad if not worse, and this was so awkward and weird, their strangeness bounced off each other so much. In the end, Noiz just pushes forward, and starts rambling about Rhyme. It wasn't difficult to keep up with it and discuss, Ren did really know a lot about Rhyme from Aoba's younger days, it wasn't hard to keep the conversation going.

“I guess now letting the old man think we talk about Rhyme is fine.”

“Hm?”

Noiz drops to the floor, rolls around and it's ridiculous - Ren suddenly remembers that Noiz is only nineteen - and finally stops when he's on his back, staring at the ceiling. “He asked me what we talked about, and I said it was Rhyme. Not lying anymore I guess.” He frowns at that, like the thought of not lying anymore was a bad thing. “Heh, we have something in common.” There's a small friendly smirk on Noiz's face, and while most of it _is_ mocking, Ren feels like he does mean it as a little welcoming.

It's a start.

 


	2. Noiz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noiz and Ren play video games. Then there's a moment with Koujaku and things get complicated for Noiz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is weird to write since Noiz and Ren don't have real interactions but it's fun trying lol both of them are so awkward in my opinion, it's such a disaster.

He waits until Aoba goes upstairs with Koujaku before asking. “What were you playing?”

“Hm?” Ren asks looking up from his magazine- it was rare for them to be downstairs after dinner but the conversation didn't stop until now with Koujaku wanting to smoke. It was tradition as this point anyway.

“When we got here you were playing a game.” Noiz continues and gestures at Ren's hands for some reason. Aoba had told Koujaku (who in turn told Noiz) that Ren had problems with his hands but watching him play that game earlier, Noiz didn't see any issues, Ren's hands move quickly and with precession.

“Oh. Just some random video game Aoba has.” he answers as he puts the magazine to his side. “I remember watching Aoba playing it a couple of times and it looked interesting. Although from watching him I had assumed the game was difficult.”

Ren had just said Aoba sucks at the game, granted it was in the nicest way he could think of, but he still did, and it makes Noiz laugh, in turn Ren gives a small smile, like he's guilty for insulting Aoba, but also not being able to himself at poking hum at his boyfriend. As they calm down, Noiz kicks back, resting most of his weight on the arm of the couch and pulling his feet up. Thank God Aoba's grandmother for not being around, she vocally snapped at him for putting his feet everywhere, or just anything in general. She still saw him as a trouble maker- which was true but that wasn't a reason to yell at him all the time. When he was finished getting settled, he saw Ren eye him with a warning, to which Noiz snorted to. “Not moving.”

“You're lucky she isn't here.”

“Luckiest bastard in the world.”

“Noiz.”

The blond sighs then straightens up a little and imitates Ren's tone of voice.

“Ren.” All he gets as an answer is an eye roll and suddenly Noiz feels like yelling for Aoba to come downstairs because he's sure Ren's never done that before. It's like a baby's first steps except here it's Ren's first annoyed eye roll- gotta let Aoba know, he probably has an entire album dedicated to 'Ren's Firsts' or something like that. Shit, that would be hilarious. “Back on topic though,” Noiz continues despite Ren's mild glare. “Now I'm curious to see how you play.”

“Maybe I'll play next time when you're around.”

“We could just play tonight or something. I'll give you a copy of this shooter I'm playing, it's mostly a strategy game so you can't just go and shoot shit.”

Ren nods in understanding and inclines his head to the side probably weighting if playing a game with Noiz would be worth his time. He tells himself he doesn't care for Ren's answer because it's just a fucking game, and he manages to convince himself that he really does _not_ care, right up until he speaks. “That sounds fun. I would have to learn how to play it first.”

“We can play just you and me for a while.” He hopes he doesn't look relieved and/or excited and realizes that he isn't doing a good job at it because Ren is trying to not smile, but he does nod firmly and goes to pick up his magazine again, and Noiz goes back to laying down on the couch.

“Cool.”

 

-

 

As it turns out Ren is a fucking natural, it's almost scary how good he is so Noiz says fuck practice and they just jump right in. Ren gets head-shots nonstop and takes over the other teams base all by himself, and part of Noiz thinks he should feel upset that he's met someone better than him at this game (or honestly, any game) but instead, Noiz can't stop grinning.

 

-

 

At some point, Noiz and Ren started texting each other.

It started out as setting up time to play online which usually revolved around Aoba's work schedule since Ren was totally whipped, and if Aoba was around then Ren was 'busy', which was fine with Noiz since he did have other things to do. Eventually though, things changed from ' _when are we playin'_ to just random stupid things.

 

_Noiz (7:53):_

_i saw this chihuahua the other day and thought of u_

 

_Ren (7:53):_

_i was a japanese splitz_

 

_Ren (7:58):_

_Aoba mentioned your clothes today in conversation he says they are hideous_

 

_Noiz (7:58):_

_tell him to go fuck himself also to look at a mirror_

 

_Ren (8:01):_

_i'm not saying that_

 

_Noiz (8:01):_

_I take back the fuk urself comment cuz u would liek that probably_

 

_Noiz (8:01):_

_tell him hes fat_

 

_Ren (8:02):_

_he's not fat_

 

_Noiz (8:02):_

_omg ren you suck_

 

_Ren (8:03):_

_suck what?_

 

_-_

 

Noiz can't remember the last time he's had such a casual conversation with someone, and it takes him a while to admit that he does like it a bit, but also that he's terrified. There are reasons as to why Noiz doesn't open up to people, reasons as to why he's closing himself of from Koujaku because he wants something from him that  _terrifies_ him more than he would ever want to admit. And of course fucking Ren is noticing or knows already and part of him tells says that he should take this opportunity to get an opinion, right? But Noiz never asks for help because he can take care of himself, he doesn't need anyone especially some guy who wasn't even a solid person before.

 

-

 

“Do you and Aoba ever fight?”

“Fight? No. I mean, there was some misunderstandings at the beginning after I was released from the hospital, but it was solved. We both wanted the same thing in the end, I suppose.” Ren smiles a little, eye becoming unfocused with memory and it makes Noiz angry.

“Was it the whole twin thing?”

There's a moment of tension in the room as Ren turns to look at Noiz with shock. “How...”

“I eventually got the whole story... does it matter? Not here to judge or anything.” Noiz can't help but sound defensive. He really does mean it when he says that he isn't judging them or anything, Aoba being a tube baby was weird enough already, plus his power and all this other shit that happened, it just made Ren's situation seem normal if not as weird. “Plus I'm the only one that probably knows... I don't think the old man knows that part of the story, unless Aoba told him too.”

“We figured it would be too much for everyone to understand... but, Aoba-”

“Aoba is a blabber mouth when he drinks and I can be convincing when I want to.”

That makes Ren laugh and Noiz feels like he can breath again. “That is very true.”

“And 'sides, you're a different person from Aoba's twin, right? And if you are talking about physical shit, I mean you and Aoba have some similarities in the face but I see it 'cause I know about it. Siblings don't always look alike... hair color is the only thing my brother and I have in common.” He didn't mean to say that, but it was out now what the hell?

“You have a brother?” Ren tilts his head in curiosity. Well might as well go all the way now.

“I did.”

“Oh...” If there's one good thing about Ren, is that he knows when to stop pushing and Noiz appreciates that. Their conversation ends there but it isn't an awkward silence at all and when Aoba suddenly comes and hugs Ren from behind, Noiz feels a little disappointed that their time together ended for the day and Ren seems to feel the same to some degree when he looks at Noiz and smiles a little. Aoba notices it, and Noiz wonders what he thinks about him and Ren and how much he actually knows. He snorts to himself. It sounds like they are having an affair. He'll have to tell Ren that one later.

 

-

 

The walk back to Koujaku's place was silent. Usually he didn't mind but freaking Ren and Aoba's perfect relationship was making him think shit that he didn't think he would ever want. And really, he doesn’t. He does not want the PDA and the hugging and all the cutesy shit those two do, but he would like... a confirmation of some sort that they were a couple, other people already thought they were and Koujaku didn't correct them, which should be enough and it was, or at least it used to be. But then somehow it changed and he blames Ren and Aoba (especially Aoba) always being around them now, and Koujaku still flirting with women and Aoba-

“So you coming over or what?”

Noiz looks at Koujaku's back as they keep walking, he always walks behind him but suddenly he wants to walk next to him like Aoba does sometimes, wants to reach out for his hand and fucking talk like Ren and Aoba do. He doesn't understand when he started to want these things, what changed in him to make him long for something more than he had already, something that was too good for someone like him. There's an impatient throat clearing sound and it makes him look up at Koujaku's exasperated face, waiting for an answer. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go with the older man tonight, but refusing would be strange, the old man would know something was up, and Noiz wasn't in the mood to deal with it. Hell, he didn't really understand it himself, so how was he supposed to explain to Koujaku?

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Jeez, don't you sound excited.” His tone of voice is indifferent, but he's turned his head back to look at Noiz, he's smiling softly. It makes his heart beat faster, his stomach twits and turns and this isn't entirely new, this was slowly becoming his reaction to the old man. But it's still too raw, too intense that he can't move as Koujaku comes closer. When did he turn around? Years of indifference and being alone are the only reasons why Noiz is able to keep his face straight, not that it helps much because Koujaku smirks at him. “What's wrong, kid?”

“Don't call me that.” he tries to sound bored but he _can't_ , he can't because it comes out so fucking soft, his voice husks out and rumbles against his throat, and that catches Koujaku's attention. Noiz jumps at the pressure of Koujaku's hand cupping his face, then tilting it up. The older man looks worried- Noiz vaguely is aware that a normal couple would see this as _normal_ , fast heartbeat, butterflies in the stomach, face flushed, and a gentle hand against his face. They were having a fucking moment, for fucks sake. This wasn't what they did. This was not how their relationship was supposed to work.

“What's wrong with you today?”

Noiz chooses to ignore the question. “I'll stay.” He ignores the look Koujaku gives as Noiz steps back from him and keeps walking. This wasn't something he wanted to deal with. He never wanted to deal with it.

 

-

 

_Ren (9:45):_

_koujaku called aoba saying you're acting weird what's wrong_

 

Noiz frowns and looks towards Koujaku. The man's in the kitchen and yes, his coil is out and he is messaging someone. Of course.

 

_Noiz (10:01):_

_nothin_

 

_Ren (10:03):_

_if you ever want to talk about it im here_

 

He stares at the message and scowls at it. As if. Noiz might like Ren enough to talk to him and whatever, but he wasn't someone Noiz was willing to throw all his personal problems to, hell he could barely admit these things to himself, much less someone else. Deciding not to answer, he goes towards Koujaku's bedroom and flops down on the bed. He waits for the older man to come back to bed, maybe they'll fuck again, who knows. Noiz ends up browsing random sites while the old man comes back to bed, determined to keep his head clear of all this bullshit, but somehow keeps opening up the last text Ren sent him, and later as he falls asleep, imagines how that conversation would go.

 


	3. crowds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noiz invites Ren on a date... just kidding, they just hang out but since it's a bit of a secret, it could be a date. Noiz will tell that one to Ren later.

They had been watching a movie when his coil went off. It wasn't loud or anything but it made Ren jump a little, shaking Aoba as well, though the other man didn't even notice. Both of them were cuddled up on the couch, with Ren laid along the length of it, while Aoba was between both his legs, his back pressed up against Ren's chest. At some point Aoba had fallen asleep and Ren didn't have the heart to wake him up, even if the movie was just too flashy for him, and his arm was falling asleep but Aoba looked so... cute, he just couldn't. Aoba was a heavy sleeper so Ren was sure his coil didn't wake him up, still, he made sure the man wasn't awake as he raised his arm to check it. He didn't have a lot of contacts, which was fine with him, but he got a lot of messages throughout the day. A lot of them were from Aoba when he was at work, just random things he did or how he missed him, a few times they were more inappropriate messages, once or twice with pictures included, which made Ren blush and left him fidgety for the rest of the day until Aoba came home. Then he had some from Koujaku, some from Mizuki... and now Noiz. That was still something he was trying to wrap his head around. Not that Noiz was a bad person, although the younger man seemed to believe it and there was probably something in his past that caused that, but obviously he didn't want to share what it was. He wondered if Koujaku knew about it but Ren doubted it- Noiz was not someone to share much of himself to others, he probably couldn't even acknowledge things to himself half the time. In a small way, Ren knew how the younger man felt, being in denial of how he felt but Ren learned that the best way to deal with that was to just admit it and move on. Ren got the best results after all, why couldn't Noiz get something good out of it?

Gently, Ren pulls his arm out of Aoba's grasp and glances at his coil. It's Noiz.

 

_Noiz (6:48):_

_im bored do something with me_

 

Ren blinks at the message for a second before responding.

 

_Ren (6:50):_

_like what? we dont have a match until tomorrow night_

 

_Noiz (6:50):_

_no game lets go do something_

 

Ren stares at the message. Then reads it again. And again.

He looks down at Aoba for a moment and sighs, wondering how he's going to explain this.

 

-

 

In the end, he does not mention anything about hanging out with Noiz and it's not because Ren thinks he's doing something wrong, or Aoba not allowing him to meet with the blond (and that would never happen since Aoba is all about Ren exploring and being his own person), mostly it's for Noiz's sake. If there was something that Ren was sure about, it was Aoba's ability to care too much and maybe sometimes it did go too far, digging into things he shouldn't and Ren knew Noiz would not like Aoba trying to find out his intentions with Ren, regardless of it being nothing but a strange friendship.

Instead, Ren says he wants to go for a run, maybe explore a bit, all things he has done by himself. Well, minus the exploring, that's something Aoba wants him to do, walk around alone in town, talk to others but... Ren just didn't want to. And he didn't want to worry Aoba too much, besides, he doubted his reluctance to mingle was too important, if anything it was understandable after how he came to be, right? He just didn't think he liked crowds of people- it was hard to fit in with people who... well, who have been people all of their lives- Ren had spent a lot of his existence denying himself to be an individual, so it was... difficult to let that go fully and let himself just be. It would happen, Ren was sure, but he needed time. He didn't want to worry anyone over this, much less Aoba. He would try to help and Ren wasn't sure he was ready to go and try just yet.

So with a smile, Ren leans down to kiss Aoba who in turn giggles and tells him to not come back too late.

 

-

 

Platinum Jail has become available to everyone since Toue fell out of power. It has become a mess due to Rib teams fighting over territory, as well as residents who could not stand the thought of the 'lower class' coming in, but that was the sort of thing that happened after a crazy leader falls out of power, so Noiz is not surprised. But due to all that, he has been avoiding the area, especially Rib teams since they did not have the bet feelings towards him. Not that he as afraid of them or anything, but he knew that it was uncharted land to him, so if things got out of control, he might be a little fucked. If he got in trouble in that place, nobody would probably know about it either, unless he contacted someone and like himself, most of his team (and Koujaku) didn't know this area well. Besides, despite what Koujaku and everyone else seems to think, Noiz isn't that reckless, not anymore at least, he liked to think he was getting better at that. He wouldn't risk getting in trouble, especially now since Ren was coming along. Although truth be told, Noiz was pretty sure Ren could take care of himself if he had to. Not that it would happen, the guy was a bit scary, but he was just... a nice guy, he wouldn't go around picking fights unless there was a real reason as to why. That and no one would really come and try to mess with him anyway, Ren was tall and built now- when he first met him in his human body, Ren was bigger than Aoba but smaller than Koujaku, and then Ren seemed to hit puberty or something and just... grew. Noiz remembers saying that too, which only resulted in Aoba glaring at him, Ren blinking at him confused, and Koujaku elbowing hard, but a hint of smile coming to his face. Regardless of what it was, be it Ren's online persona pushing itself into his new body or magic or whatever the fuck it was, now he was probably as built as the old man if not more. So if Noiz was finally going to venture into the disaster that was Platinum Jail, at least he had someone with him that would scare potential problems. There was part of him that wanted a fight though, mostly to see what Ren would do but whatever. If something did happen, he can already see Ren just pulling him along and running down the street.

Noiz decides to make it his life goal to make Ren into a trouble maker. Somehow he was going to make this happen.

He sees Ren coming around the corner and waves at him. When their eyes meet, Ren just nods and walks towards him. Then they just stand there staring at each other for a moment. Well...

Noiz realizes that this is the first time the two of them are just hanging out. What the fuck was he thinking? Do they have anything in common besides video games? Looking around Noiz sees a stand selling sweets. What the hell?

“Hey you hungry?”

Ren looks thankful that the silence ended. God, what the hell _was_ he thinking inviting Ren out? Noiz doesn't know how to 'hang out' with people, and Ren is awkward enough... this is either going to be a disaster or the most hilarious moment in history and Noiz isn't even sure what he wants this to be.

“I could eat, but I didn't bring money.”

“I'll pay, I got money.”

He doesn't give Ren a chance to say anything back as he walks towards the stand and buy some sweets Koujaku bought him once. He hopes Ren likes them because then they can talk about it for five minutes, and then hopefully, they can move on and find some other stupid thing to fill the silence with. Maybe there's an arcade around? At least that's something they both would like...

“Thank you.”

“Yeah... so... did you want to go to Platinum Jail or...”

“I guess... I haven't been there since... well-”

“No need to talk about it. Yeah, let's go and see if they have arcades or something.”

 

-

 

Ten minutes walking around the area, Noiz notices a lot of people staring at them. At first he thinks that there must be something giving them away as outsiders, maybe even something like 'hey these assholes helped bring the tower down, you should kill them'- the stares were intense .

“Hey, hot stuff.” A woman purrs at Ren as she walks by them, her eyes roam all over his body before she turns around and keeps walking. Ren just looks confused and turns to look after her, doing exactly what she was probably hoping for, and Noiz knows he should stop it and pull Ren away, but honestly, this could be funny. It's then he realizes that the stares are directed at Ren only. And they are intense alright, just not the 'intense' Noiz was assuming. This wasn't the first time this has happened. The old man told him that Aoba had exploded in a fit of jealous rage and anger when this woman had the nerve to link arms with Ren, and proceeded to hug his arm between her boobs. Ren had been a little out of it apparently, it used to happen a lot back when he first started to hang out with others besides Aoba, so he mostly likely didn't even realize that it had happened. Noiz wished he had seen it, Aoba angry and yelling at at the woman to the point she was almost in tears sounds hilarious. So this moment right now, he's going to let it happen, just for shits and giggles, and then later he'll tell Aoba all about it and watch the show.

The woman does indeed look back, and smiles when she sees that Ren did turn around to look at her, she spins on her high heels and walks towards them.

“Hey, what's up?” her voice is husky and low, extremely obvious to what effect she's hoping for. It isn't lost on Ren either because he blushes a little. Noiz tries really hard not to laugh.

“I... nothing, I'm just...” he stops talking and looks at Noiz, his eyes pleading and begging for a way out but this is just amazing. Instead, Noiz winks, gives him a thumbs up and turns around pretending that he isn't paying attention.

“Would you like to go on a date? We could go for a few drinks...”

“O-oh... no, I-”

“I promise you'll have a good time.” The flirty tone of voice is what makes Noiz turn his head to peek at them, he watches the woman get closer. She is good looking- not Noiz's type though, she's taller than him for one, and he isn't into blondes anyway. But she's curvy where it matters and her clothing is tight pressed against her figure. She reaches out towards Ren, and grabs his arm to pull him along. Noiz presses his lips together repressing a snort of laughter that is trying to come out, and figures he'll pull Ren back when she gets him to move a little. And then after that, he would laugh out loud and deal with Ren yelling at him or something, get rid of this weird air of social outcasts out of their system, go to the arcade and have a good time. Then later he'll walk Ren back to Aoba and tell him all about the woman trying to steal Ren away. It would so be worth it.

That's not what happens.

When the woman goes and pulls at Ren's arm, the man jumps and his eyes widen, his breathing picks up, eyes dart around in a frenzy. The woman looks surprised and then confused. There's a crowd of people all around them, Noiz tries to think when that happened, some of them take interest in what is going on. Ren's eyes are blown, unseeing at his surroundings, he pulls his arms around himself as his head turns to look around fast at the people looking at him. The woman scoffs and mutters 'freak' under her breath, some of the people watching laugh and whisper to each other.

They are laughing at Ren.

He's furious, he wants to to beat their faces to ground, watch their teeth shatter and fly in a spray of blood because how dare they even look at Ren- Noiz grinds his teeth and goes quickly towards Ren, stands in front of him, keeps his hands to himself, both out of fear of Ren pushing him off and Noiz just snapping at the feel if Ren shaking.

“Look at me, Ren.”

Ren gasps and cringes, eyes close for a beat, his mouth opens wide as he tries to gasp but it is chocked up and raspy. He isn't really breathing.

Ren's having a fucking panic attack.

Noiz grabs Ren's hand and pulls him along the maze of people partying and walking around the city. At first he meets resistance, Ren pulls away and he is so much stronger than Noiz, but in his hysteria, Ren isn't at his best, so eventually Noiz does overpower him and they half walk, half run towards an empty alleyway and then Noiz pushes Ren to sit on the ground. By then he is looking at Noiz with unseeing eyes , the are almost over taken by black, pupils blown up, his breathing is fast and hoarse, it grates at his throat like gravel. Noiz kneels in front of him, hands as gentle as he tries to pry Ren's knees apart.

“Ren, you gotta.. put your head between you knees, okay? Then take deep breaths it'll help-”

“N-Noiz... I can't.” Ren's voice quivers, trying not to sob. His face is red, a mix of panic and maybe humiliation over what happened. Noiz wants to tell him that there's nothing to be embarrassed over, that this is not his fault and that those people are just assholes, and later Noiz was going to track them down and hurt them. But now, he just leans closer and gently pushes Ren's head down between his knees, coaxing him into breathing deeply and slowly. It takes a long time for Ren to calm down enough for his breathing to be somewhat normal, and by then Noiz sits next to him, awkwardly putting a hand on the other man's shoulder, gently squeezing in what he hopes is a comforting action. After a few minutes Ren looks at Noiz with shame. The blond frowns and rubs his back, trying to get across that this isn't a problem, and that it's fine, but he isn't good at these things. Koujaku would be better at this- he's done it for Noiz once, that one moment they never talk about. Aoba would be better too, at least Ren would let Aoba touch him fully, Noiz feels like he's walking on egg shells here.

It's in his nature to just ignore these type of things but he knows he can't here. Despite the fact that he didn't mean for this to happen, it was still his fault. He was the one who let that woman get close and touch Ren. He was the one that suggested coming out here. There's no time to let this calm down enough to take it slow, Ren needs to get home at some point and it needs to be in good terms, not with him shaking and Aoba yelling at Noiz for doing something wrong.

For fucking something else up.

He takes a few deep breaths himself before he tilts Ren's face up, who won't meet his eyes. He's fidgeting with his arm-warmer.

“You can't deal with crowds.”

Ren slums against the wall.

 


	4. agoraphobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noiz and Ren talk about what happened, and Aoba comes to pick Ren up. Stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was going to be a longer chapter but it felt very disconnected, so it's a short one.

The trip back to Midorijima was a blur. All he could do was to focus on the loud pounding of his heartbeat, and try to keep his footsteps steady as to not trip. Try to concentrate on the overly warm feeling of Noiz's hand in his, forcefully pulling him along, weaving through the crowds of people out in the night. His balance of physical activity was better now, especially since he had taken to jogging most afternoons, but Ren felt so out of breath now, his limbs were so numb with exhaustion, and if it wasn't for Noiz dragging him away, Ren was sure he would fall. At some point, he closes his eyes. He's tired and hypersensitive to the world. It's too much.

Eventually they stop. Ren doesn't know where they are, but it is quiet and empty. It was good enough.

“Sit down.” Noiz gets on his face and it's intense, but his voice is as gentle as it could be for someone like Noiz. He's angry, Ren can tell, but also worried, his eyebrows are drawn down. This is the most he has ever seen Noiz show any sort of worry and Ren can't help but feel touched.

While Noiz leaves, Ren sits on a couch and it hits him that this must be Noiz's apartment. He's never been here before, neither has Aoba and even Koujaku has mentioned only being here a few times. It's nice, bare but nice. Ren chuckles a little, it is so very Noiz. A bout of dizziness over takes him when he tries to get comfortable, it makes him lose balance and he tumbles onto the couch. It causes enough of a ruckus to make Noiz run back to the living room.

“What's wrong?”

“Hm.” It's all Ren can master to say. It makes Noiz snort.

“And here I though you died.” Ren can't see Noiz but feels him walking closer, then a hand comes to rest on his head, pushing lightly. “Can you roll over?” There's a pause before Noiz laughs, this time it sounds more legit. “I didn't mean that as a dog joke.”

“Sure.” Ren isn't sure about that, but Noiz making light of the situation is comforting. Like this isn't such a horrible thing. It's not right by any means, but Noiz isn’t judging him on being weird, and is allowing him to have this moment of denial before having to tackle it down.

“I'm hurt, Ren. Absolutely hurt.' His voice is so monotone and flat, it makes Ren chuckle breathlessly before using all his strength to roll on his back. Noiz has to help him, but it's done. Ren takes in his surroundings' it's dark, Noiz turned off the lights, there's a dull light of a holographic screen at the corner of the room, and the slight light from the window. It's dark outside.

“Before you fret,” Noiz starts, sitting on the other end of the couch, hitting Ren's legs out of the way. “I called Aoba, I said something like we ran into each other, you came over and fell asleep. He totally did not buy it... he didn't ask me anything else but you know. Be ready.”

“He didn't buy it because I would have told him about it.”

“Sorta figured that... man, he really doesn't trust me that much.” The younger man sulks on the couch and actually pouts. “What? Does he think I'm going to kidnap you or something? He hovers too much.”

“He does trust you Noiz. But I don't know, when it comes to me-”

“I get that he's worried,” Ren looks up at Noiz. He sounds really tired and concerned and that's something that Ren is sure he has never seen coming from the teen. “You don't need permission to do things and I get why he is always looking out for you, but he can't have you trapped in a bubble and he won't listen to anyone else about it, I'm sure. So you need to fucking say something. Especially after what just happened.”

“It might have the opposite effect, him knowing what happens when I'm surrounded by large groups of people.”

They sit in silence as both think of possible out comes – both are very valid points but if Ren is to follow his own logic and thinking, speaking to Aoba was the best course of action. Noiz was right.

“Hey, don't fall asleep.”

He snaps his eyes open. Ren didn't even notice he had closed them in the first place.

“I'm very tired.”

“I know that, but I wanna talk to you before lover boy gets here.”

The realm of sleep is within his grasp, and the energy to keep his eyes open is fading, but talking is worse – Ren is sure he can't manage more than a whisper now – he really is so very tired. Still, he looks at Noiz to show him that he is listening. Ren hopes it's enough.

The blond sighs, turns his gaze to the other end of the room. It's always very hard to read him, but at this moment, Noiz is an open book. He looks unsure and nervous.

“So that... what happened back there.” He is obviously trying to avoid actually saying what happened, probably sensing Ren's embarrassment over voicing it, saying it out loud makes it real. “It's not weird and it's not something to be embarrassed over, okay? It happens to people. It's not... there's nothing wrong with you – I mean, there is a little since you shouldn't react like that, but it isn't-” He's at a loss for words, Ren notices. It's strange, having Noiz say so much, he isn't the type of person to talk things out, but he understands that Ren likes things to be out and voiced.

“But you know,” Noiz continues and looks away from Ren. “It's better, like you said to me about the old man, to talk things out. You have the world's clingiest boyfriend to help you with it. And,”

The pause is long. It's long enough for Ren to think the conversation is over and he is about to give Noiz an acknowledgment of what was just said, but Noiz interrupts.

“And I'm here too. So. Yeah.”

It's impossible for Ren to keep the fondness out of his eyes. Noiz blushes lightly and leans closer to punch Ren on the arm.

“Okay, now you can sleep until Aoba gets here. I did tell him you fell asleep. At least help me lie.”

Ren doesn't need to be told twice.-

 

-

 

Aoba makes it to his place in record time.

The moment Noiz had mentioned Ren's name, the blue haired man was set into a panic, demanding to know what had happened but like hell Noiz was going to be the one to tell him. This was Ren's business and he should be the one to talk about it. Ren had to face this, probably forced into it because he was confused over how to deal with all these irrational human emotions that he had never thought about. But it had to be at his own pace as well. It's important for Ren to be his own person and face his own problems without having someone crowding him.

That was the main reason as to why Noiz didn't say anything. Well, that and he didn't want to deal with Aoba freaking out.

That's easier said than done when Aoba seems to be trying to beat his front door to death.

Talk about overreacting. Noiz resists the urge to roll his eyes and makes his way hastily toward the front door. Ren was sleeping and here was this idiot being loud and obnoxious. And Koujaku called Noiz a brat...

As he opens the door, he's fully expecting Aoba to tackle him to the ground, to punch him and scream and blame him for whatever happened to his precious Ren. They are all reactions Noiz is used to and is fully confident he can deal with.

Aoba is a mess and it's a little ridiculous because Noiz had said nothing about what really happened, he had made it seem so innocent, he shouldn't be freaking out like this, but Noiz thinks that maybe Aoba just knows. The both men were so in-tune with each other, and Noiz wasn't sure if it was from being the same person at some point, or just something the two of them could do, but he couldn't help but be a little jealous of that kind of bond.

“Where's Ren?” he's out of breath, like he ran all the way here, which he probably did.

Noiz has never had someone do that for him.

“He's... he's fine, just sleeping like I said, but I'm sure you beating my door to death woke him up.”

To his credit, Aoba does look embarrassed and guilty.

“I'm sorry, it's just... I had this weird feeling all day and then Ren left and... I dunno.”

No. He didn't know, but Noiz keeps his mouth shut.

“He's on the couch.”

“Okay.”

Aoba barges in like it's his place, stopping only to toe his shoes off. Noiz watches him walk away without following because it felt like he was intruding by doing so, but that was ridiculous because it was his own apartment. But it feels strange, so he doesn't follow and just stands awkwardly in the hall, listening to Aoba's quiet voice trying to wake Ren up.

 

Noiz can't just stand there, as much as he wants to. Which is stupid anyway, it's just Ren and Aoba being the overly affectionate couple he has become used to. He sucks it up and goes into the living room.

Ren is sitting up, his head is resting on Aoba's shoulder while the other man is running his finger's through his hair. The smaller man is smiling, his lips are moving but Noiz can't hear what he's saying anymore. He doesn't want to know anyway.

It's weird to just stand there while the other two are having a moment, but Noiz doesn't know what to do. If he wants to go to the kitchen or his bedroom, he has to walk pass them. The last thing he wants right now, is to be acknowledged. Not now.

Not when he has front row sits to something he'll never have.

But it's unavoidable and when Noiz comes closer, Aoba tills his head up and looks at Noiz with a gentle look. Ren opens his eyes a little, and gives Noiz a thankful smile, for both calling Aoba and just being there. He feels his chest warm up at that. It's a different sort of warmth, not like what Koujaku brings out but it's just as nice.

“We should get going.” Aoba says softly, ruffles Ren's hair with a grin as he gently pushes the other away. The taller male yawns but stands, he stretches his arms over his head.

“Yes.”

“Noiz.” Aoba says as he links arms with Ren, because he isn't tall enough to support him. Neither is Noiz and that had been interesting trying to drag the taller man back to his apartment. But Ren doesn't seem to mind, despite looking like he just wanted to lie down back on the couch. For a moment, Noiz wonders if he should have told Aoba that Ren was spending the night, but he was sure that would have not worked. Aoba would have come anyway and if Ren wasn't getting up, the blue haired man would have stayed over too. And while Noiz liked Aoba enough, and he definitely did like Ren the most out of all the people he's met in years, he couldn't stomach having to have a 'sleepover' with them. Koujaku was a different case. The old man was an exception to his every rule, he didn't understand it and it scared him, but he was.

Noiz remembers that Ren had offered to talk about it with him. He didn't want to, he still didn't but now he knew something about Ren that no one knew. Aoba would find out eventually, he was sure Ren would talk about it sometime soon, but for now, Noiz was the keeper of this secret.

Noiz believed in equivalent exchange.

And if he kept repeating that reason over and over in his head, maybe he would start believing that this was the reason why Noiz would talk to Ren about his thing will Koujaku. It had nothing to do with him actually wanting to talk about it, and certainly nothing to do with trusting Ren.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a crack idea, trying to come up with ways as to how they would even interact and why and then somehow it got really serious and bam! plot came out!


End file.
